It’s early in the morning and I’m wondering what to write about . A common theme among people who blog I guess. I’m off to Manhattan today. First to see my therapist and then I’ll hit my regular thrift haunts. Most of the staff knows me and will always say hello. I enjoy that, if they don’t say hi to me I’ll go out of my way to say hello to them. Why not? It really is nice to be nice.
When I started this blog I fully intended it to be about my life and thrifting. Then I realized I couldn’t talk about my life unless I talked about Thomas and the huge part he played in shaping who I am today. Depression included. I don’t blame him for the depression, I don’t blame him for anything at all. However now I find I don’t define myself by as “Thomas’ mother”. I’m not overtaken and defined by the depression either anymore thanks be to God for placing Dr. L and Nancy in my life. When I was in the thick of the depression it absolutely overtook who I thought I was, I couldn’t even remember “me” if that makes sense.
I had a choice this past weekend when Thomas reverted back to behaviors that led us to decide on residential school. At one point I distinctly remember thinking, “You can stand here and have flashbacks and let it take over, or you can leave the room and be ok”. I left the room. That’s not to say I didn’t think of Thomas past actions towards me, I did. I didn’t let them overtake me and gain control if that makes sense.