I’m on the ferry to Manhattan and I just finished praying. I didn’t pray for much specifically or for any particular want or need other than a safe journey for all on the ferry and return home. I mostly prayed to give thanks and praise Him. It makes me feel good to say “Thank you” and praise God. Just praise him, it’s that simple.
I also gave thanks for pulling me up by my arms when I was sinking away from Him. I have this vision of The Lord holding us up by our arms when our strength is waning.
This is not to be a sad reflective post, it’s a post of praising Him and thanking Him for all He’s done. For putting people in your life that can help you or people you are to help.
I wish I were bolder. I’m bold in writing and proclaiming Jesus is Lord, but many times I wish I were bolder in a vocal sense. We are called to make disciples.
I have no problem praising God when talking to people in general but it doesn’t occur to me to share the Gospel. Is it fear? Do I fewer I will be looked at as a fanatic? And honestly would that be a terrible thing? To be known publicly as a Jesus fanatic when essentially it is who I am inside, just not yelling it to the world. And would it be horrible to yell or at least be more vocal to the world?
I praise Him.
And I wish for boldness.
There are many times I feel unsure of what to write. I’ve visited the sites that give you ideas (thank you Rob), but I don’t think they are “me”. I like to write about what is on my mind even though whatever that topic may be might not be as interesting to a reader as it is to me. Then I ask myself who am I writing for? Myself or an audience? This blog has been extremely therapeutic for me. I’ve never been so honest about our life with Thomas. I never thought I’d be so honest about dealing with depression and medication and therapy. I never thought I’d receive the feedback I did because of my honesty. So I guess I’m writing for me and an audience even though I know my audience varies from time to time.
When I look back to a year ago I thought I was doing “well” handling the depression. I can see now the difference a year makes. Last year I was not doing well at all and I thank God I can see the difference today. A year ago had I ran into the mom I wrote about in my last post I probably would have broke down in tears explaining Thomas in residential school. I didn’t even come close to that the other day. And as an added bonus, Janice told me I looked great. We all know what an ego boost a compliment is.
I truly wonder what I will be reflecting on a year from now. I pray it’s the take off of my business but if not it will be ok as right now I know it’s in God’s hands and if He feels it’s not to be then it is not to be and God will have other plans for me.