This past Friday morning I drove to Thomas’ school to pick him up for a visit . While I was waiting for him in this area that resembles a living room, there was a group of people visiting the school. 4 people. Of course the people watcher in me was intrigued. There were a mom and a dad, a social worker (she mentioned she was an MSW) and another male figure who gave no inclination as to who he was in relation to the parents. I get so nosey when I see parents doing what Tommy and I did but these people have “back up”. You see every time we had to hospitalize Thomas or visit residential schools we did it alone. Just Tommy and I. No social workers, no case managers visiting to give their input or questions that may have been helpful. Actually just to have another shoulder to lean on may have been nice. But then again I say this now. In retrospect. Honestly its funny because Tommy and I never felt “alone” during those times, we were fortunate enough to have each other. I guess I wonder if the grass is greener having other people involved with you making these decisions. Or is it more confusing because unless you are that child’s parent you are not as invested as to where that child is placed.
I shouldn’t say Tommy and I were “alone” as we certainly had The Lord with us, leading us and making His way for the school Thomas were to attend.
So after my people watching incident, Thomas was brought to me and we were on our merry way home. The visit went well in the beginning but by the end of Saturday things were starting to crumble. Not in a horrific way Thank God but in a way that only solidifies our decision for Thomas to attend residential school. Tommy drove him back Sunday morning. Later that day, Tommy and I discussed together how do you parent a kid like him? Since Thomas was a toddler you could give him what ever he wanted and he would still throw something at you or have a fit. These days you give him what he wants and he almost dismisses it once he obtains whatever it was he wanted and he’s on to the next “thing”. It’s exhausting. Not only that but we still realize we cannot leave him alone with me. There was a part of me that was hoping that would change but it has not. There was no aggression at this visit but the signs are still there that he will target me for no particular reason. Thomas will also be somewhat defiant and its not easy to reason with a 17 year old “kid” you don’t have the control over you did at say age 10 (not that we had much control over Thomas at that age either). It’s a bitter pill to swallow about your own child. This isn’t a pity post. Its the truth and it’s our life.
This makes me realize how huge God is and how He has given us so much direction and so much wisdom in dealing with our son. I always pray for a hedge of protection for Thomas. Although one could say I could easily pray for protection for me when it comes to Thomas. But I don’t. I pray for protection for him so that whoever is teaching, guiding or working with my son will do so with the wisdom and maturity my son needs. If I can’t be there Dear Lord let there be people who are there that know how to handle him. I know the Holy Spirit is well at work ensuring those things happen.