Today (Sunday) was choir day. I usually love choir days (at our church we typically sing 2 Sunday/month). But today I was so nervous. I have no idea where this nervousness stemmed from. I am not usually nervous to sing with our choir, I love singing with the choir. But during these past rehearsals I began wondering if I were good enough. I loathe this anxiety of mine. Loathe it. That is where this nervousness stems from. Once we started singing in front of the church the nervousness went away and I truly enjoyed singing His praises. Singing to our Lord. Singing with my choir family. And I remembered how blessed I feel to be a part of this ministry and to be able to worship Him, like this.
Recently I’ve been wondering why I doubt myself so. There are times that I wonder if I’m Christian “enough”, but I don’t have an answer for what would make me *more* Christian. Reading the Bible more? Praying more? Witnessing to strangers? Believing more (if that is possible)? No, I don’t think those are the answers either. But regardless I feel like there is more I should be doing and I pray consistently for guidance and discernment to know that the path I will be set on will be His path and not any other’s.
These are my thoughts. I’m not looking for advice or to be analyzed. I’m putting this out there as perhaps I’m not alone in my thoughts. I can’t be the only one wondering if there’s more I should be doing for our God. And what exactly might that be? What if I suddenly get an epiphany of direction, will I follow it? I like to think that yes I will follow His lead because after all His plan is the only one that would be perfect regardless of my or anyone’s thoughts on the matter. There are days I feel on the precipice of change. And I get nervous. Yes, that nervousness again. However nervous I may feel I do trust him and I know His way will be the perfect way.