Life~I’ve been happy

LIfe’s been good.  Today is Thomas’ prom and we’re going, the whole family plus Alyssa’s boyfriend. We will have a good time I know. Thomas is really looking forward to it and on the phone happily told me all about the new clothes he recently shopped for along with new shoes.  He will look so handsome! We’re bringing him home after the prom and on Saturday we will celebrate my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary with a party. My sister did about all of the work related to the party. I can’t thank her enough.

Alyssa and I have toured 2 colleges in Manhattan.  She’s a junior in high school set to graduate next year. I can’t believe we’re looking at colleges for crying out loud, it seems like just yesterday she was in grade school and Samantha was just born.

So as my title says I’ve been happy. I love feeling this way. It’s so “normal” I’m not detached or depressed. I don’t feel like I have to “work” at being myself. It’s all good. I’m still seeing my therapist but it’s different now. I’m not searching for anything, mostly we just talk about life, or rather I talk about my life.  The “usual” circumstances that happen when you have children of various ages. It’s a good talk.

I really enjoy church. I’m really trying lately to understand “is God enough?” I feel like my eyes have been opened recently in realizing that I have other things and people in front of God and this is not right. I need for Him to be first. I want for Him to be first.  I’ve also stopped comparing my family to others. I didn’t realize I was doing this until I stopped and had a realization that God has given me the people in my family. He hand chose them and me to be together in this lifetime. I haven’t been discouraged in my walk with the Lord, rather He’s made me pause and think and appreciate all that I’ve taken for granted. My family, my husband and even God. I hope to have a more grateful approach to life.

So Its Been Even Longer…

It’s been quite some time since I last blogged. To be honest I wasn’t feeling all that well depression wise. I didn’t realize the depression was back and was just going through the motions. It took a very honest session with my therapist and her literally telling me to call my doctor. That I needed to see him and have things taken care of. I didn’t realize how detached I had become. My husband did mention how quiet I’d become but I didn’t have the insight to see how things, how I had become. I did see my doctor and he introduced a new (to me) med and I’m happy to announce I am feeling much better much more present in life if that makes sense. I didn’t realize I was just going through the motions and trying to pretend all was well. Now that I’m feeling better I’m actually enjoying my life, my husband, my children. It’s nice to be present. I even cut my hair. Short. Really short. And I love it. A few people in person felt the need to reassure me that “it will grow back”. The depressed me would have gotten angry at such a statement, the me of today laughs at such. I mean seriously it’s only hair and I meant to have it cut like this it wasn’t a tragic hair accident.

Thomas’ prom is coming up at the end of this month and we’re really looking forward to it. It’s just the coolest to see him and all the other kids dressed up and having such a great time.

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