We all have our moments

People are kind and ask how we’re coping with my dad’s recent death. My standard answer is, “We all have our moments” and it’s true we all do. My sister commented that lunch time is hard for her because she used to talk to daddy on the phone at that time of the day. I just got off the phone and my mom said it’s difficult for her to spend time in her house because she was so used to taking care of my dad when they were home together.  I’m fine when I’m at work because I’m busy for much of the day. I discovered that when I come home I immediately think of calling my mom and then I think of my dad and that gets me to the point where I’m very quiet and I don’t want to speak to my family. Not good.

I think of my dad every day. At various times of the day. Something will happen that I’ll want to tell him and it hits me that I can’t tell him. Even writing this is hard because I’m thinking of him right now as I’m writing and find myself in tears.

I went thrifting today and I thought of my dad. He loved to tell me how his mother would go to the same thrift store and find all sorts of good deals and how she was a very frugal person. So my love of the thrift is obviously genetic. My dad wasn’t big on thrift stores but he loved to hear about the treasures I found. And he would laugh at my joy. Daddy used to love going to flea markets and finding good deals. Englishtown NJ was his choice when we were younger and growing up.

We all have our moments…I suppose those moments become less intense as time goes by. I don’t know I’ve never had a loss as significant and deep as my dad to compare it to.

I miss so many things about my dad. I can’t pinpointed one specific quality of his that has caused this hole in my heart and my life. You seriously don’t realize how big a role someone plays i your life until they are gone. People always say after a loss go “hold on tight” or “tell so and so you live them before they’re gone” after a death. We knew daddy was battling cancer so I didn’t hesitate to tell him I loved him any chance I had. And he would say it back. I know he knew I loved him,  I’m glad I don’t have to wonder now that he’s gone.

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