Tommy and I have four children. They were all pretty much planned we know the biology of it all. Sometimes I think people assume at least one child was a “surprise” because we have over the average amount of kids that most of our friends have. But no, not the case. I used to get a kick out of people counting them when we were all out in public together. It was amusing on one hand, then at the same time it was a little irritating, I mean 4 is not an outrageous number. Now that everyone is grown and independent it’s not often that we’re anyplace together as a family anymore. The last time was over the summer when we got together with Sam’s grandparents and my mother for Alyssa and Sam’s engagement.
I find it somewhat interesting that my children are all so different. Thomas is a category all his own and the girls are more or less typical human beings. Thomas has a flair for being dramatic about things that happen in his life and has also been known to attempt to lay guilt trips on Tommy and me. We don’t entertain that behavior. We had ridiculous difficult decisions to make concerning our son when he was growing up. Decisions no parent should have to make and we did what we thought was best. I don’t regret what we decided; none of it. Thomas can also be very entertaining and sweet and just a nice person. I think he takes after Tommy in those respects.
My girls…well in my girls I see a total mix of the two of us. However each of the three of them have completely different personalities. I don’t think any of them look like me, the only semi exception would be Alyssa and some of Samantha. They both have fairer skin than Tommy but they tan beautifully in the summer. If they aren’t careful they could burn. They tan through sunscreen, like me. I am fair yet I tan. I also see my natural hair color in Alyssa. My natural color is maybe a shade lighter. I used to have very dark blonde/light brown hair. Alyssa has beautiful brown hair and red tone highlights. What she doesn’t get from me is the amount of hair on her head nor the thickness of it. I have thin, regular amount of hair.
My Lelly totally takes after Tommy looks wise in my opinion. She has more of his olive skin, dark brown hair and blue eyes. All my kids have light colored eyes. Mine are blue and Tommy’s are green.
It’s funny when Lelly was born my father in law, Chick was holding her and staring at her and said that she looked like his mother. Unfortunately Chick didn’t have any pictures of his mother. Sad. But I think it’s pretty cool that she looks like someone I’ve never met or even know what they look like. I know it made Chick very happy.
Personality wise I can’t say with complete accuracy who takes after who. Alyssa doesn’t like conflict and tries to keep peace around her, Lelly makes me laugh. She’s very funny and will tell it like it is. Thomas understands sarcasm so it’s fun to joke with him, and Samantha can be very serious and then be very fun. I can talk to her, she’s a great listener and when she’s in the mood will then be a great talker and you realize she can be very deep.
I like that they’re all different, it’s just amazing that they are as different as they are. Same gene pool, same parenting environment, same house! Go figure.
A friend posted words about grief on Facebook yesterday.
I took a screenshot. I had to. I don’t believe I’ve read anything about grief that was truer than this. I think about my dad who went to be with The Lord 3 years ago this February. I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since I’ve talked to him. I don’t think I’ve gone through the complete stages of grief for him because I can’t talk about daddy or write about him without crying. I have no idea if that’s “normal” or not or if there even is a “normal” when it comes to grief. A couple of months ago I had a dream where daddy and I were together and we were talking. I don’t remember what we were saying but at the end of the dream he held out his arm towards me and hugged me. It was amazing. I know it was him coming to me within a dream for whatever reason. He looked healthy and younger than he did when he passed away. It was so so nice to see him. Every now and then I’ll see a blue cardinal or some sort of striking blue bird at my kitchen window. It will make a commotion until I see it, then the bird stares at me for a few minutes. I’m afraid if I move it will leave so I stay and stare back. The bird then flies away before I can get to my phone to take a picture. I’ve told Tommy about the bird and we aren’t sure if it’s my dad or his dad coming to visit. I truly believe it’s one of them.
It’s New Year’s Day. I know we are all more than happy to bid 2020 a firm goodbye and good riddance. It’s pretty exciting to begin a new year. New attitudes, new ways of looking at things, new ways of dealing with situations. Some situations never change; year in year out; the same thing that makes you stop and say, “hmmm, again…again?”
I’ve decided to not make any New Years Resolutions. I have made decisions. I have decided to realize what is and what is not within my control and act accordingly. Take the freaking fracking bio chem class. The whole thing was within my control. It was up to me to take advantage of the help that was offered and I did and I worked hard and I finally passed the class. It was all due to decisions I made and stuck to.
It’s my decision to continue my nursing education so I can be an even better nurse than I was before I began the bachelors degree program. I’m looking forward to finishing the program so I’ll be able to take advantage of nursing opportunities that require a BSN. I’m not looking to leave the Dept of Ed anytime soon, I love working where I am and I love my students. But to know I am eligible to take advantage of other options is priceless.
I have some deep decision makings concerning my son. Thomas will always be mine. I say that with such conviction because I never want it to be mistaken that just because he doesn’t live with me he is less than mine. As a person with special needs he will most likely always be “mine”. The girls will all hopefully marry. They will still be my flesh and blood but they will no longer belong to me. They will have their own families to attend to and have children that will be “theirs.”
Thomas was not pleasant to be around this holiday season. We’ve decided he won’t be staying over at our house next Christmas Eve into Christmas Day. Today my heart hurt for him and I called his home to wish him a Happy New Year. He apologized for his actions on Christmas Day, I accepted his apology and then he hung up on me. That hurt. I did not call him back. I have decided I’m not playing into his drama. He might be special needs but he’s smarter than most give him credit for. He knows it’s rude to hang up on me and I will deal with that behavior when I’m ready.
So here’s to a Jesus led, prosperous, drama free, productive, smart decision making year!