And Here We Are

So I’ve begun my Masters program. The first class is like an intro to becoming a graduate student. A lot about mindfulness and being present. I kind of like it. It reminds you to stop and take in what is really going on. I’ve been noticing I do that especially at work when one of my students needs extra care and it is a serious situation. I project a sense of calmness but inside I’m urgently trying to stay in the moment and appreciate what is going on and what is my next step?

I need to be more mindful at home. Especially as my children just keep getting older. I’ve said in the past that grammar school seems to take forever (my gosh it really does…). Then there’s junior high in which 6 and 7 grade are pretty slow until grade 8 hits and the next thing you know you’re paying “senior dues” for a yearbook and cap and gown. Then; high school which IMO passes at the speed of light. Samantha is a sophomore. Her freshman year was spent virtually and I was so happy for her when it was announced that the schools here would be in person. These kids need each other! To meet one another and learn about themselves through their new friends and sports or extracurricular groups. I’m so glad Samantha had taken to joining sports teams. She’s met a lot of people and has made friends, it was truly a relief to me. When she was attending school virtually there wasn’t any interaction with the other students. Not good.

So here we are with Samantha having only 2 more years left of high school. Told you it goes fast. I want to be present in the lives of all my kids. Thomas’ childhood, adolescence and teen years were broken up by violent behavior, hospitalizations, residential school period of time living home with us and now he resides in a group home. Not what I wanted for my son. When he was about 14 years old and things were going smooth I pictured him living with us while attending a day program and awaiting placement in a group home. I never imagined we would be living this life with him the way we are. It’s not a bad part of my life, him being in a group home, it just is what it is. God always had his own plan for Thomas’ life. While I prayed for guidance the Lord led the way.

With my girls I enjoy being a part of their life and the closeness we have. Yesterday while Samatha was at a wrestling tournament in the Bronx she texted me, “Mom” twice. I answered yes what’s up? She texted back, nothing I just miss you. I was so so happy to read that and texted back that I missed her too. You see Samantha’s a tough one. I swear God knew I fervently wanted a fourth child 17 years ago; and he certainly did give me a fourth, but on His terms. And that’s ok. Samantha is nothing like our older 2 girls. She is sometimes like an only child and sometimes a young person that I’m still discovering what makes her tick. That’s cool though. It keeps things interesting that I know. I will now stop procrastinating doing my school work and get back to it.

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