New Ink part 2

I said I didn’t really have a meaning other than celebrating life for this tattoo, but my soul sister in Wisconsin figured it out for me. The feathers-the heavy load has been lifted and my mind is as light as a feather; the vines- the growth…the vines are intertwined just like the journey in life and there’s always growth. The lines: the band that has it all together on top, God, my marriage and my children. I love that she figured me out.  Love you Jackie 🙂

New ink !

So… I did it, I got the tattoo I’ve been wanting. It’s different from what I originally saw online but that’s ok, the artist’s son designed it. The tattoo is on my left leg. One of my best friends asked me what this tattoo meant and I didn’t think it did have a meaning until I sat and thought about the question. I find this tattoo is me celebrating life, coming out of the depression and just enjoying being me. Here is a not so great picture of my new ink.

new tattoo

Tattoos

I want another one. I currently have 4. I need another one. It’s funny because when I was depressed I never thought about anything other than getting through the day. Now I look forward to the next day and right now the next tattoo. I plan to get the tattoo on my left thigh. I will only get tattoos where they can easily be covered up. But that’s me.

3 out of my 4 tattoos have meaning which I’m sure most people’s do. My first one is a butterfly on my left ankle. There’s not much “meaning” other than it was my first. My second is a butterfly on my left back. It’s a butterfly that is taking flight. At that time in my life I felt unsettled and I was looking to fly I just didn’t know it. We were living in New Jersey at the time and I was not happy living there. Hence wanting to take flight. My third tattoo is a tribal (solid black) butterfly settling to land on my left shoulder. At the time I had that one done we had moved back to Staten Island and I knew we were here to stay and that I was ready to put down roots. I love that tattoo.  My final and fourth tattoo on my left foot  is a dandelion being blown into the wind with the dandelion strands turning into birds. . There are 4 birds one for each of my children. The birds range from small to big with the biggest being my oldest, Thomas and the smallest is Samantha, my youngest. I asked the artist to add two very small yellow birds to represent my two miscarriages. You can barely see the yellow birds and that’s ok; I know they’re there.

I almost can’t wait to get the next one. Yes it will hurt but it’s a pain you get used to when the artist is working on you. Hard to explain to someone who’s never gotten a tattoo. But it you have one or two or five and you’re reading this, you understand.

Blessings

I have this song running through my head this morning, Blessings by Laura Story. Yesterday my husband and I were talking to a neighbor who also has a special needs daughter. Many of you know about our Thomas who is also special needs. We’ve been through many, many trials with Thomas. And everytime I hear this song I think of him. What if our greatest trial is God’s blessing in disguise?

Anyway, when we were speaking with our neighbor she mentioned that she often wonders what her daughter would have been like had things been different. My husband replied that he often thinks the same thing about Thomas. I do think that also about Thomas. The big “what if?”  What if he’d been born “normal”?. What if? It almost makes you loathe the word, “if”. That word can hold so much. Thomas is one of the greatest achings of my life. It still pains me that he cannot live at home. I know my husband feels the same. I love Thomas for who he is now, not what he could have been. Thomas being the way he is changed me as a mother. And if I were to be able to change him to a “normal” person, would I then have to change myself to how I was before he was in my life?

I honestly don’t dwell on the what ifs because it is pointless. I tend to focus on the present and future which can hold enough worry all by themselves.  But this song speaks so perfectly to my heart. Especially when she sings, “This is not our home…”  No, this is not our home. I often wonder if when I do meet our Lord will I ask Him questions about my earthly life. Thomas being in the forefront of those queries. Why were we chosen to be his parents? Why did God make things so challenging? Why the heartache? Or will I even care at that point? What I do believe is that when Thomas meets the Lord and joins us, I believe he will tell us himself. It will be glorious to hear my son talk clearly and coherently. I was given a glimpse of this in a dream I had a couple of years ago. Thomas was just a typical teen and him, Alyssa and I were just sitting in our front sun porch talking to one another. I have no idea what we were talking about I just remember Thomas being “normal”. I know when we’re all in heaven together we’ll all talk again. God gave me a preview.

Shaking things up

I changed the look of my blog, time to shake things up a bit I guess.  If you know me you understand that I get bored and need a change every now and then.  Until recently it was my hair color.  I’ve probably tried every shade of warm to ultralight blonde to reds and auburns that is available at your local drug store (I color my own hair).  The past 3 yrs or so I’ve been a reddish brown and I believe that is the color my hair is staying…for now.  I contemplated going back to blonde but decided against it. IMO it’s too much work and upkeep.

Things I think I would like to do but don’t are baking and trying new recipes. I let myself think baking is too much work so I get overwhelmed and I usually get intimidated by new recipes, especially if it involves spices I’m not familiar with. But once I try something even if it doesn’t come out right I’m kind of proud for trying.

When all my kids were small I was notorious for moving furniture around. Tommy never knew what he would walk into when he came home from work. Living room furniture, bedroom furniture, no room was safe :).

I recently got a new tattoo on my foot, that was to shake things up and when I turned 40 I had my nose pierced. I have no idea what turning 50 will bring, I’ll stay in my denial for a few more years.

I would like to hear what “you” do to shake things up when life gets mundane. Please nothing above rated PG. Either reply here or on my FB page. Come on…