Feeling good :)

I’m wondering when you classify yourself as “cured” from depression?  Are you ever really cured or do you learn to manage this very real chemical imbalance in ones brain?  I feel good most days. I catch myself in a good mood here and there and I no longer feel the irritability, angst, and anxiety associated with depression. I’m looking forward to the future and toy with the idea of stopping my therapist appointments. I see her every 2 weeks now and when I do see her the 45 minutes are filled with various ways I  handle situations in my life.  And we also talk about all the good in my life.

The more I think about it, I don’t think I’m ready to stop seeing her. There isn’t a pressing “need” as was in the past, it’s more of a want to see her. To discuss my life; not dissect it. I think that’s the biggest difference in our talks. To not have my life under a microscope as was when the depression was taking over my life. To say  that the depression was bigger than me that it was taking over my life is accurate. Today I am bigger than the illness. And I’m proud of myself. Proud that I did not give up because giving up cannot be an option.

Im looking forward to events that in the past probably would have been fraught with worry and I wouldn’t have had any joy in them. I recently caught up with a friend who was visiting NY, she lives in California. When I was fighting the depression I wouldn’t have been able to sit and talk with her in the easy manner that we got along. Conversation flowed naturally and I had such joy in our time together. When events like that occur I know. I’m “okay”.

Joy. It can be so elusive. And when you’re depressed even the word can seem like it’s mocking you and seem so close yet so far away.

Winter

tree

Winter ~ I’m tired of it just like everyone else.  There’s too much snow and ice here (insert whiney voice).  But, I wouldn’t have it any other way, I have no desire to move anywhere.  Not even down the block.  I like my house and l like this borough I live in.  I adore Manhattan and that we’re so close to it.  Sometimes I find out many people aren’t fans of the ferry but I love it :).  The quantity and quality of people watching on the ferry is beyond compare.

Anyway, getting back to complaining about winter. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I were a cold weather sport person, like skiing or heck even sleigh riding down the various golf courses here. Nope. I loathe being cold, I’d rather be hot than shivering cold. And I’m not just saying that because it’s 23 degrees today. Ok again, I still don’t want to move. I actually enjoy the change of seasons, I find I get bored of the weather being the same all the time and I really dislike it when we have unseasonable weather. Like when it’s oddly warm in January and February. It just feels very wrong. Those months *should* be cold where I live. So we can all complain about how cold we are!

On the plus side of winter, the snow is pretty. Even ice is pretty when you’re not walking or driving on it. The picture above is this little tree my neighbor planted last year. The ice is amazing on this little tree in my opinion. I guess you have to look for things that are pretty to get you through. This past snow storm did leave everything pretty with the snow on bare branches. Most of that is gone now and most of the snow is looking dirty these days. I think that’s when the complaining starts, when things get ugly. Or when things melt then freeze again. Ugh! Feel free to join me in complaining since there is nothing any of us can do about it. The season is the season and soon enough I’ll be complaining about how darn hot it is outside!